“Epiphanies come as you move toward something that matters.” Brendan Burchard

My very first bodybuilding competition, I was scared, excited and full of anticipation for what will happen. I kept getting all these compliments,

“You look awesome!” “You look like you are going to win” “Your training has paid off”.

I have to be honest it really went to my head. I thought wow this is awesome, those same fat legs and huge butt, the brunt of many jokes and ridicule, were now being admired and praised.

It felt like the shame of the old me was being wiped clean. It was worth all my hard work, I believed this is where I have to be, I had finally found what I was supposed to be doing…

I WON!! And then I WON Again.

… and then I lost…came back and lost again…

Uh oh, what happened? What was the difference what changed?

The thoughts that rolled around in my head at the time…They found me out, I was a farce, I really wasn’t awesome, it was all in my head. I really was that girl with a big butt and fat legs….

I hadn’t quite found myself yet, I was working toward my rhythm and flow.

I really was going along with the Flow.

What does that mean? Well look in order for me to feel good about myself I had to look like the winner on stage.  And if I didn’t, I was a loser right? Isn’t that what the judges were telling me? Isn’t that what society was telling me? If I wasn’t getting the #1 trophy then I wasn’t acceptable, right?

Actually that was a bunch of wacky thinking that got me into a tail spin of trouble. It took me down a path of trying to be something that was not me, it took me down a road that has been hard fought to get off. This thinking is the same thinking that got me fat and miserable in the first place.

I totally admire anyone that stands up on the stage today. Cause I know the hard work that got them there, that hard work that they continually do to stay there. I know now that I don’t have to be them, I don’t have to be judged or compared or presentable in order to be a “winner” in the world’s eyes.

It was clear I needed to heal a few old wounds, I needed to address my real reason for doing the bodybuilding competitions. I needed to discover my why.

Why did I start? WHY NOT was my believed reason. In the process of my journey, is my realization of who I really can and wanted to be. What I did was realize that I have potential to work hard, stay consistent and focused. I took action with guidance toward a particular goal. My goal was to get up on stage and let go of my old hating self.

And to be honest it took me a couple of years to realize this true WHY for doing those competitions. Really at the time is was just facing my fears and saying “WHY NOT”.

When I have a woman sitting in front of me telling me they want to start their journey to finding their healthy fat loss lifestyle, I always have to ask, Why?

And if they say WHY NOT, then I can say okay , that is a start, that is a sign that they are willing to put their head down and focus on the journey.   And maybe 3 months, 1 year or 2 years down the road, like me, they will know that their WHY NOT, was their mind being open to the possibilities that have changed their life forever.

Would love to hear if you are like I was struggling with what everyone else thinks is a “winner”.  Share your comments on my facebook page