Since then it has occurred to me that my marriage and a former aficionado of romance novels has taught me so much about how to live a fat loss lifestyle in this crazy weight loss world.
Think about it, when you meet that guy or girl, the spark that chemistry, it is captivating. This person is exactly who I have been looking for all my life. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with them. They complete me…
That is how the romance novels portray it, right?
Put it into the perspective of a weight loss plan, (this is the one I know it has been for me)it is finally going to get me the results I want. This is definitely the one (the plan) that is going to make my dreams come true (skinny, lean, smaller, buff, etc.), it completes me…
And in reality both cases can be true or false, it just depends. Yet for the sake of selling romance novels though, both cases would end up true.
Over the years this is why I myself have gotten drawn in, with both romance novels and weight loss plans. They always have that perfect ending that person or plan that will “make me happy”.
Yet is that true? Can that really happen as the novels write it? Can you truly find real happiness in another or in a “perfect plan”?
Let’s face it, I spent the majority of my teen and early 20’s romanticizing about my own life. And in both cases it always came back to looking for that fictitious guy or that miracle weight loss “plan” that will make me happy.
Then real life happened and I found my guy. And confusion set in… he was different then I thought and for some reason we seemed to click. He challenged me, yet still respected me, he didn’t bring me flowers but he stood by me as I grew and blossomed.
And the day to day wasn’t filled with romantic carriage rides or jetting off to Paris, it was just normal, but it totally worked. And when I say worked, I mean, we still continually work on “it”.
Sure there have been moments, that maybe the romance novels will write. However when things are not romance novel like, I have wondered, where is the manuscript or the rewriting editor to make this story flow better?
And yes I have thought to myself, why is this story (my life)dragging on? Doesn’t “anyone” (Mike) see that this needs to liven up or something has to change?
That is when I know it is not up to Mike to “make me happy”, that is up to me to change my thinking.
That is how I can relate my marriage to real life fat loss living vs that romanticized weight loss plan.
When I started my fat loss journey, it totally challenged me, much like Mike did. It confused me to think of how I had to change my “ideals” of what I needed to do to achieve long lasting results.
It took work, like my marriage, to get it right. Much like with Mike, what worked wasn’t written down. Sure there are some mutual understandings and principles that we followed, yet those were specific to us and to no one else.
So all those fancy dreamy quick weight loss plans just didn’t work, I had to find some basic principles and then do my own work to find my plan.
The romance novels, much like a “diet plan” teach us about ourselves. On paper it looks good, then you get into real life and what does that really look like?
What I have found for myself, those romance novels and “diet plans” fail to take into account the day to day stuff; like you hate to cook, the kids need to get to baseball and you have nothing to eat because the dog ate all the chicken you just cooked.
Yet what has totally worked for my marriage and my fat loss living?
What I know has always worked in all circumstances is consistently working on “it”.
You may be saying, really consistency is what makes a marriage and fat loss living work? I know that is such a mediocre unromantic, not really spontaneous or exciting word.
Well as far as I am concerned, if you are consistently working on your marriage and fat loss living then you are totally in the right direction.
A real living plan takes working on it day in and day out and adjusting to what works for you and your spouse.
I know from experience that in order to continue to stay together we need to adjust and make changes based on what is working and what is not working.
Same goes for fat loss living, you need to adjust to what is working and what is not working.
Sure there have been times when it would have been totally awesome to just throw in the towel and move on as I wrote about in my blog
As John Gardner (former US Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare) says “We are designed for the climb, not for taking our ease, either in the valley or the summit.”
I love this quote because it says it all, as much as we want things in life to be easy, written out for us, we were truly not designed for “taking our ease”.
It is not a fulfilling life if you are always looking for someone else to write your manuscript or your plan or your “diet”. Our overall make up to be happy requires you to do the work to live out your purpose in life.
So it is up to you to write your own manuscript, if you are not liking how the pages are flowing maybe it is time to start a rewrite. If you are dissatisfied and unhappy, it is not up to your partner or spouse or Personal trainer or diet expert to make you happy, that is all up to you.
This is a hard lesson to learn, because guess what that is not what the romance novels or “weight loss guru’s tell us.
Every day I consistently focus on what can I do today to work toward my goals of having a fulfilling purposeful life, marriage and fat loss living included.
So here is the thing if you are on a healthy fat loss journey and you are with a spouse or partner, look at it this way, these two things can work together if you are willing to put in the work.
Your overall happiness is totally reliant on whether you put in the work or not. And guess what, you are going to make a ton of mistakes, just be certain that you learn from those mistakes.
So Mike knows he can’t make me happy, it is all on me to do the work, being consistent in the work on my marriage and on my fat loss lifestyle.
Mike also knows that I don’t want him to treat me like a china doll, princess or a child for that matter, that would make me unhappy.
Do you struggle with this? Are you looking to your spouse/partner and a “weight loss plan” to make you happy?
Every week my inner email circle gets my philosophies and principles on how you can find personal happiness on your own “plan”. Join my email list and let’s talk some more.