Can’t stand up because my knees are shaking so bad!


Can’t stand up because my knees are shaking so bad!

Jen CA Paddleboarding Cropped10-19-2014With Halloween on the horizon as the scariest holiday of the year, I thought it appropriate to share a scary story personal to me.

Have you ever had an irrational fear of something and you just can’t pinpoint why it can be so intense or overwhelming?

My biggest fear was of the ocean and experiencing it on a personal level, not on a big ship or  big boat  for that matter, it was the getting in the ocean either swimming, kayaking, surfing or paddle boarding.

Sure I can pinpoint why I had this fear,  it just wasn’t making any sense anymore.

Why should I wistfully long to hang out with those frolicking in the ocean, I am in my  40’s , for goodness sakes.  What is the worst that could happen?

It really didn’t make much sense anymore.

Why can’t I get out there and experience the ocean and feel the vastness of it, it’s just a big swimming pool.

With some sharks and some fish that may take a nibble out of me, a wave that could take me under or a mass amount of seaweed that could strangle me and pull me under. (I did say my fear was slightly irrational or possibly not irrational just a little excessive).

Okay I was still a bit scared but I decided to rent a paddleboard and get out there anyway.

And of course, I was expecting perfect calm conditions because this was my first time and I was a bit scared.  And the universe wouldn’t play a bad joke on me by making it rough, right?

Well as luck or the universe or mother nature would have it, as we were walking toward the cove the sound of the waves lapping on the shore were deafening.

“Oh [email protected]$” what was I thinking, this is crazy, just go lay by the pool and be happy that I planned this but I don’t have to go through with this.., there is no way we are going out in those kind of conditions…

That is not what our instructor had in mind.  He chalked it up to Mother Nature and the unpredictability of the ocean.  In essence he said the biggest challenge would be getting out there, so we should sit on our board and not stand till we get further from the cove.

“Stand up are you kidding me, I thinking lying strapped to the board sounds like a better option!”

Well the thoughts running through my head at that point were complete terror,  resignation I was going to chicken out and determination to overcome this irrational (or some would say rational given the conditions) fear.

Needless to say I made it out there in the vastness of the ocean and I even stood up for a bit.  However by the time the picture was taken, my legs were weak from shaking so bad.

In all honesty what scared me more was not doing it, letting this fear take away this awesome joyous mind blowing experience.  And then regretting it in the long run.

Next time I think I will try standing a little bit longer and get a picture of that!

This experience was me being just a little more brave and allowing my knees to shake.  This is what I am talking about in my most recent blog ,  We as humans are scared, ignorant and lazy.

Is there something in your life that you have a desire to do but you just can’t get past the fear?  Would love to hear in the comments…