Just over 20 years ago, I discovered that just “getting by” or just “making it through the day” was not how I wanted to live. The truth was and is that I wanted to be better; I wanted to live a happy and fulfilling life, with some meaning and purpose.
My life was wasting away with doubt, fear and disappointment and the only one I could blame was me.
It seemed to have started after I graduated with a college degree. No game plan or any way to use my degree. And here I was grown up and still didn’t know what to do with my life.
The one thing I knew at the time, I wanted to be a wife and a mother. And although this may not seem like a good aspiration to have in this day of equal rights for women, that is what I wanted.
Having a committed relationship with Mike, we were already planning on the marriage and family. (White picket fence and all)
So I got a job… yep just any old J. O. B.
But in my heart and my gut, there was this nagging… I knew I wanted to be or do something more… just didn’t know what?
Got married, became a travel agent and starting planning for my future family.
“What do you mean we can’t have kids naturally?” Oh wow what about my plans?
Well okay, we decided we could do this, so we sought help from some Infertility Doctors if this is how we could have our family. Easy enough…
Absolutely we could do this cause my health insurance would allow for one try, of course that was enough it was definitely going to work…
• Shots daily,
• Mood swings,
• Daily blood work,
• Probing ultrasounds every few days,
• Excoriating testing,
All was worth it to have that family I knew I was supposed to have…
But still that nagging…
“Sorry dear the test is negative, so you should stop using the progesterone”
Heard over the phone while sitting at my desk, customers and coworkers looking on, watching my face crumble with tears flooding down my face. How could this be??? What about my white picket fence and all… who can I be now???
So started my year of walking around like a Zombie, eating whatever, not taking care of myself at all, it really shouldn’t have been a surprise when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Hypothyroidism…
OH COME ON!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?? (like it was a surprise after the way I had treated myself)
No more nagging… Now this was a full blown BITCH SLAP!
TIME TO WAKE UP GIRLFRIEND, IT IS NOW TIME TO LISTEN AND DO MORE, LIVE MORE, BE MORE!!!
Now 20 years later here I am doing what I love to do. That day and the days that followed were definitely true defining moments in my life. Hindsight being 20/20 and all.
This is what I learned about myself and my personal happiness in my life.
• Life is totally not scripted and not perfect
• If you have a nagging feeling in your gut, you may want to explore that before it “Slaps you in the face” (like it did me)
• For every perceived disappointment there is an opportunity to learn about yourself and teach others what you have learned
• I don’t like white picket fences (too much maintenance and I am a low maintenance kind of girl)
• Live a life with purpose and full meaning, don’t just survive and get by (Go Big or Go Home)
• My true happiness comes from me living as I should with my given my life circumstances, not settling just working with what I got.
As Eckert Tolle puts it “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is.”
Here is my hope for you while you read this. I hope you can learn something about yourself from some of my story, especially if you are currently unhappy with your life.
Would love to hear about your struggles with happiness and what holds you back from “GOING BIG OR GOING HOME” Post them over on my Facebook Page Jenn Brango
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